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Biblical Pattern For Husbands. AG Adult Sunday School Manual
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Memory Verse: Ephesians 5:25 – Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it, (KJV).
Bible Text: Ephesians 5:25-33; Colossians 3:19; 1 Peter 3:7,12.
Central Truth: Christian husbands are to love their wives as Jesus Christ loves the Church.
INTRODUCING THE LESSON
“I love you.” Those words have been spoken countless times and in every language. Many a man has made that declaration to the woman he believed would meet his deepest needs. Many have followed those words with, “Will you marry me?” Sadly, many men have failed to understand the depth of meaning behind “I love you,” and as a result, failed to meet the obligations of marriage when that proposal was accepted.
Every day young couples, even Christian couples, go into marriage with almost no idea of what it means to be a godly husband or wife. This lesson offers solid biblical guidelines for being a Christian husband, but even wives can benefit from some of the key principles.
As Christians, both husbands and wives are to model their lives after Jesus Christ. So, while this lesson describes the pattern Christ has established for the husband, elements of that pattern will enrich a wife as well.
THE LESSON OUTLINE
1. LOVE YOUR WIFE A. Sacrificial Love – Ephesians 5:25 B. Beneficial Love – Ephesians 5:26-27.
2. CARE FOR YOUR WIFE
A. Golden Rule – Ephesians 5:28-30 B. Priority Relationship – Ephesians 5:31-33.
3. HONOUR YOUR WIFE A. Sowing And Reaping – Colossians 3:19 B. Spiritual Yardstick – 1 Peter 3:7,12.
Learning Objectives At the end of this lesson, students will be able to:
1. Understand an appreciate God’s sacrificial love as a model for the man.
2. Reappraise our priorities in relationships; husbands making rooms to be a blessing to the wife.
3. Realise the truth that husbands are responsible to God on how they treat wives and how it affects their relationship with God.
The Holy Scriptures Ephesians 5:25-33
[25]Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; [26]That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, [27]That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. [28]So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. [29]For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: [30]For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. [31]For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. [32]This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. [33]Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Colossians 3:19 [19]Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
1 Peter 3:7,12 [7]Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. [12]For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil.
Commentary and Application
1. Love Your Wife A. Sacrificial Love-Ephesians 5:25
Question for Application
What kind of feelings come to mind when contemplating being in love?
When we ask someone what it is like to be in love, we often get an idealistic answer focusing on companionship, shared happiness, and an unbroken chain of pleasant experiences. These are the most Common descriptions of love in the popular media.
The Bible calls for a love from the husband for his wife that is modelled after the love of Jesus for the Church (Ephesians 5:25). And if there is one word that encompasses what Christ’s love is, it is sacrifice. This kind of love requires a ‘what- can-l-give?” mentality.
When we think of the length to which Jesus Christ “gave himself for it [the Church],” we find a tall order for every husband. The husband seeking to express this kind of love to his wife will be prepared to make any sacrifice for her benefit.
Sacrifice needs to be qualified, however. The Bible does not call the husband to become a slave in order to provide a selfish wife with every luxury A godly attitude of self-sacrifice has godly goals in mind.
The benefits described in Ephesians 5:26, 27are specifically connected to the relationship between Christ and the Church. If that point is not clear, some husbands can overestimate their role in the wife’s walk of faith. Every person is individually responsible for his or her salvation decision.
Christ’s action on behalf of the Church is clearly intended to be a model for some aspects of a husband’s relationship with his wife. Verse 28 begins with “So ought men to love their wives” (KJV) or “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives” (NIV), and points back to the statements in verses 26 and 27. What Christ personally accomplished for the Church, a husband can encourage in his wife’s life.
Vers 26 focuses on the spiritual cleansing Jesus brings about in the believer’s life. A husband who promotes spiritual disciplines in the home creates an environment in which his wife can thrive spiritually. If he is committed to Bible study, prayer, and fellowship with other Christians, she will be encouraged to pursue these goals as well.
Verse 27 speaks of the perfect union between Jesus and His spotless Bride, the Church. Christ and the Church enter this heavenly marriage in complete purity.
Question for Application How can fallen humans mirror this ideal picture of marriage?
Man and woman come together in marriage as imperfect human beings. But they are to pursue holiness in every aspect of their relationship, including sexual intimacy.
While modern society makes a joke out of the idea of a virgin bride, the Bible’s call for sexual purity is clear. Christian couples are to observe sexual abstinence during courtship and remain faithful during marriage. Unfortunately, the world contradicts this kind of commitment.
The husband who sees his wife as holy before God will promote her welfare constantly. During their most intimate moments, he will not debase her or treat her as an object.
Holiness must permeate the Christian marriage. Husbands must interact with their wives in a manner that draws them closer to Christ. All of his activities – from daily chores, to hobbies, to entertainment and vacations – must be entered into by the husband in such a way that his wife will be positively affected, so she will “be holy and without blemish” (verse 27).
2. Care for Your Wife A. Golden Rule- Ephesians 5:28-30
Questions for Application If a husband is committed to meeting his wife’s needs, how can he receive any benefit from marriage himself?
We tend to look at marriage in terms of what we can get out of the relationship.
Questions for Application What qualities were you looking for in your dates, and by extension, in your future spouses?
There is nothing wrong with looking for desirable qualities in a wife. But the priority in a healthy marriage must be on what the husband can do for his wife to nurture those qualities. The husband who truly loves his wife with a Christlike love builds her up emotionally and spiritually. He then enjoys the fruit of a relationship with a partner who has been nurtured in these areas.
“But I just don’t understand my wife and how to meet her needs,” men might object. The Bible offers a surprisingly simple key to successful marriage based on the similarities between the sexes. Ephesians 5:28 calls on husbands to treat their wives like they treat themselves. This requires the kind of selfless love described in the previous verse. It also reveals the balance in God’s equation for a healthy marriage. For a husband to treat his wife according to this guideline, he must also care for his own needs.
Jesus applied this principle to all relationships, “Love thy neighbour as thyself” (Matthew 19:19). The husband who loves his wife as his own body, as called for in Ephesians 5:28, is loving the person closest to himself.
Some men might try to twist this concept and claim they need to meet their own needs first in order to be good husbands.
The end of verse 28 helps husbands keep a correct perspective, “He that loveth his wife loveth himself.” Husbands, who first focus on their wives and their needs, will bring blessing into their marriage relationship and to themselves.
In verses 29 and 30, the relationship between Christ and the Church enters the picture again. The Church is not only Christ’s bride, but also His body. Just as people seek to meet their physical needs, Christ meets the needs of the Church as His body.
An important aspect of marriage is the husband’s ability to provide for his wife’s needs. Husbands can fall.into the trap of trying to give their wives every comfort at the expense of building a rich personal relationship. Christ’s love and provision for the Church are understood in the context of His unity with the Church (verse 30).
Everything He provides for the Church enriches His relationship with the Church. In marriage, the unity of the relationship is far more important than a wealthy lifestyle.
Priority Relationship-Ephesians 5:31-33
Ephesians 5:31 to the class is one of the most popular verses of Scripture read in marriage ceremonies. But reading the verse at one’s wedding and applying its truth in one’s home are two different tasks entirely.
Question for Application What does verse 31 tell us about the priority of the marriage relationship?
Our closest relationships during our formative years are with our immediate family. The marriage relationship must be so close that even the bonds to a loving father or mother fall behind it.
This doesn’t mean a husband no longer honours his parents. But he makes sure that his wife can trust him to prioritise her needs over those of anyone else – even those who have been the dearest to him throughout his life. Every other relationship must make way for the needs of the marriage partnership.
Discussing which night of the week to get together with friends may seem like a mundane matter, but everyday events, such as going out with friends, create the climate of a marriage. The husband must approach every part of marriage with the attitude of being a blessing to his wife.
Paul’s conclusion in verse 33 is respect their husbands. As a follower of Jesus, a Christian wife will respect Christlike character in her partner.
3. Honour Your Wife
A. Sowing and Reaping- Colossians 3:19 Ephesians repeatedly calls for a husband to love his wife and describes the marriage relationship in terms of Christ relating to the Church. When Paul wrote to the Colossians, he again called husbands to love their wives (Colossians 3:19).
But Paul went further in this epistle. (Ask another student to read the second half of the verse.) He included a warning with his command- do not be bitter (KJV) or harsh (NIV) with your wives.
Paul is warning husbands that how they treat their wives can. directly affect the marital relationship. Over time, the husband who is harsh to his wife can transform a loving partner into an embittered foe, turning his home into a battleground. Once the transformation takes place, it is not easily undone.
Building a successful marriage is a lifelong process of sowing and reaping. Husbands who sow discord with their wives will very likely reap a miserable marriage’ or possibly a divorce. Husbands who faithfully sow Christ’s love with their partners have a good chance of reaping the wife exemplified by the Church.
B. Spiritual Yardstick– 1 Peter 3:7, 12 Marriage has the tremendous potential for great sorrow in daily life. It also has an enormous impact on our spiritual lives. Peter warned the reader of his first epistle that an unhealthy marriage relationship can adversely affect one’s relationship with God.
Question for Application Why would Peter connect the health of one’s marriage with the effectiveness of one’s prayers (1 Peter 3:7)? The husband who treats his wife harshly is disobeying the standard of love established by God and illustrated by Christs own love for His Church. This is sin, pure and simple. Husbands who insist on whitewashing abusive treatment of their wives are making excuses for their own sin. Unconfessed sin always creates a barrier between the believers and God.
The major thrust of verse 7, however, is one of encouragement. Peter wanted his readers to focus on the positive results of a loving marriage relationship. He encouraged husbands to treat their wives with consideration, and he did so using two key ideas. First, he pointed to the natural weakness of the woman compared to the man. This is an unfashionable truth today.
The “battle of the sexes” has been played out in countless public arenas, from athletic events to popular sitcoms. But the fact remains, God created men with the physical strength and those traits that facilitate their role as protectors and leaders in the home and in society at large.
Question for Application Does this statement make men better than women in God’s sight? Anyone who doubts the Biblical teaching of a woman’s complete equality with a man needs only to read the next phrase in verse 7. Women are not just “the weaker vessel,” but are “heir together [with their husbands] of the grace of life.”
God created women to Complement the characteristics of men. When Christian men and women join together in a lifelong marriage relationship, they build a partnership in which the strengths of each partner counter-balance the weaknesses of the other.
Husbands are responsible to God for how they treat their wives. According to verse 12, it will affect their relationship with God. Husbands have a choice. They can either pursue the Christlike path building up their wives and reaping both a happy marriage and God’s blessing. Or they can selfishly pursue their own dreams and goals regardless of the cost to their partner. They may even bully their way to a certain degree of success with an intimidated wife. But the harvest they reap spiritually and perhaps for eternity, will be grim.
Call to Discipleship
The worship chorus, “To Be Like Jesus”, includes the line “all l ask is to be like Him” Perhaps few couples think of this song when evaluating where their marriage is heading, but that line summarises the key to every marriage’s success.
A husband who commits himself to being like Jesus every day will build a foundation for his marriage strong enough to withstand any attack. He will remain faithful to his wife, will lovingly meet his wife’s needs, and will give his very life for her if necessary.
Just as Christians must rely on Christ’s work in them in order to live for Him. Husbands must rely on Christ to model His behaviour in their marriage.
The Biblical pattern for husbands is not achievable by any man in human strength alone. But the man who takes hold of all that Christ has to offer will find that his own inner transformation makes possible an outer expression of abiding love to his spouse.
1. How can a husband’s Christlike love win an unsaved wife to Christ? 2. List some practical ways a Christian husband can express his love for his wife.
3. What do you think is your greatest responsibility as a husband? What does your wife think it is?
Ministry in Action Some students in your class may be dealing with marital discord or even facing the dissolution of their marriage because they have never made Jesus Christ the Lord of their lives. Invite them to make that decision today.
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